I realized I actually don’t like the idea of being in a relationship. I don’t think I would want to be with someone right now. It’s just that when you’re so used to talking to someone, going out to little dates, and just being together all the time and all that suddenly stops, you begin to long for it. You want to fill that void where that someone used to be part of. You don’t actually miss the person, you miss the company.
Okay, you guys should be familiar with Pessimism V. Optimism.
Is the glass half full or half empty?
We always look at pessimism in a negative way. I mean, yeah it’s basically defined as a state of psyche where you look at something and solely “anticipate a negative outcome.” For example: the glass is half empty.
But is that bad?
In a pessimistic perspective, we see the full potential of that “glass.” By seeing the glass’ full potential, we can make room for improvement.
On the other hand, we have optimism - positive thinking. The glass is half full. However, I see this as being content with something without pushing expectation. Basically saying, the glass is good enough.
If an individual wants self-improvement, isn’t it best for that someone to confront their potential problems in order to be more capable of making improvements versus someone who believes they’re good enough?
So I leave you with this: Isn’t a little pessimism a good thing?
#hahaha late night thinking #writing #thoughts on dissss?
We keep doing the same things over and over again, expecting a different outcome.
We have this gut feeling that there’s still some hope, but lately it seems like once you fuck up, you’ll inevitably fuck up again.
So why bother anymore?
You’re here, but you’re not here.
I met you once before. Optimistic vibe, peaceful countenance, and a devoted mindset. I met you; you who loved every fucking bit of her life. But yes, I guess you can say I only met you once.
A couple of years later, I met someone else. It was different. She was different. She looked exactly like you, but she was empty. She looked exactly like you, but she was vacant. She was here physically; she was here mentally; she was not here spiritually.
I felt as though she was lost - struggling to climb out of an abyss. But what caught my attention was not her deprived presence, but her myopic vision. She saw the person in front of her, but nothing else. It was frightening.
It was ironic actually.
You see, the only reason why I can look past your guise was because I was in that same abyss. Once. Twice. Three times. Yet, I survived everytime.
I wonder if you survived.
And so, I want to see you again. Not you, but you.
#bullshittin #ehh #now that's a lot of repetition #the fuck u doin #writing
Maybe change isn’t good for us. Maybe the way it is right now is the best we could do. Maybe.
Fuck that word - Maybe.
Uncertainty and possibility. Uncertainty of whether change is going to be a benefit or a disadvantage; possibility of whether this, this right now, is going to be the only highlight of our lifetime or merely the stepping stone of our success.
I don’t know what to think anymore. And I’m not trying to be pessimistic.
Just more realistic.
I’m beginning to doubt my self-worth.
I’m trying to build inspiration to construct a paradigm of creativity but any model of hope that is emancipated out of my psyche is filled with complete bullshit.
Have I lost my ability to perceive the disparity between two similar entities? To look past an object’s facade? To look at an object and see anything but the object itself?
I’m beginning to question my capabilities.
I hate silence. I hate how silence feels so loud in my fucking head. It scares the living shit out of me.
When I pay attention to the silence of my room, I always begin hearing a resonant ringing. And the closer I pay attention to the ringing, the more it sounds like little whispers of people talking.
I try not to notice it, but I feel like it’s trying to tell me something.
It seems so simple; it seems so straightforward… So where’s the catch?
My footsteps feel more and more weightless as I step closer to the edge. I feel the breeze intertwine with my fingers as if I’m holding onto someone’s hand and then my mind drifts. Oh, how I wish it was actually someone’s hand… Anyone’s hand. But I snap back into reality, only to remind myself of my seclusion.
I stand there motionless. Stationary. My body is calm but my mind is traveling in different directions. Unconsciously, I let out a small chuckle. I begin to wonder why I found it so funny; why ending your life was so simple. One step and in a matter of seconds, the deed is done - no more burdens, no more worries, no more living a life of repetition. Sounds like the most sensible way break this infinite chain huh? Simple.
So I must ask again, where’s the catch?
#im in a writing mood #lol #no idea why suicide became the topic though #writing
I hate this society. I hate how difficult it is to be accepted in this society without assimilating to it. I hate how neglecting the norm, even in the slightest bit, inevitably alienates you. I hate how people judge you based on your flaws rather than your abilities. I hate how any form of pessimism invites unwanted opinions. I hate how even perfection isn’t good enough. And I hate the use of the word ‘hate,’ but I believe it’s necessary in this case.
It’s amusing to me how simple herb can alleviate any tension between one another, even if it’s temporary. With a single inhale, we are all elevated onto the same level of euphoria - a utopia without hate and detriment. The disparity between each individual becomes minute and for a brief moment, we are the embodiment of virtue. With that being said, I believe peace is not far from us; we just need to open our eyes.
#sorry #im just so high right now lol #writing
You don’t notice it, but I do. There’s this distance. What comes into play is the question of whether or not I should do something about it. Because, when you finally notice this distance, I want to see how you would react to it. Would you actually do something to change it? Or would you act as though nothing is affecting you whatsoever? It seems we’re better off this way. Maybe. But for now, I’ll be keeping up this facade.
I feel like my friendship with some significant people have always been one way. I always find myself being the only one that puts in any effort in trying to maintain the friendship.
So this is what’s going to happen:
If you want to keep me in your life, then try.
If you can’t even do that, I’m out for good. No questions asked.
There’s one thing that I hate about people who want to kill themselves. I’m not trying to be cold-hearted or anything, but I just hate the fact that there are so many other people with cancer or something that would do anything to be in their shoes. I hate that that long and healthy life they received was wasted on someone who didn’t even want it.
#let the trolls begin #writing
If you trip about little shit that people say to you then you’re not getting anywhere in life.